Music can take you on a journey, make you laugh, cry and touch the deepest part of your soul. So can a photograph. I come to photography as a musician, attracted to visual narratives that define an unsuspected beauty in a specific place in time. I am a champion of the overlooked, and see my photography as a way to research, create change and inject some beauty into the world.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Following my bliss?
First Deconstruction Photo Session, Topanga Beach
In my last blog entry I
included the photo from my practice session. I had just received the remote for
my camera and wanted to check it out.I
did so in my backyard.Now I had to
commit to doing a photo session somewhere else. I didn't know why, but I knew I wanted to wear white for this series and after some procrastination one
day I said, this is it, and I went through my closet rummaging through any
white clothes I had, which was pretty minimal.Finally, I found the white dress I wore for my wedding in Kauai in 2006 and decided to do the
first session wearing it.
After getting the nerve up, I
drove to a beach that we take our dogs to in Topanga. Took my tripod and camera
and walked down to the ocean.It was mid
week so there weren’t a lot of people.I
set my camera up and discovered that I left my remote at home. So… I did the
next best thing and used the timer.I
set it on 10 seconds and then ran down to the ocean.I didn’t focus my camera so by the time I got into place,
the shutter fired and the image was blurred.I really liked it
that way and took several more photographs with that setting and then I did a
little bit of focusing to get a clearer image.I’m still undecided about which I like better.At first I liked the blurred, because it
seemed representative of how I was feeling about so much in my life, confused
and unclear about my path in life.
I used to love to twirl in the sand at the beach.
I thought about calling this
series “Self-portrait in White” but to me, these images were more than
self-portraits and that title was kind of non-descriptive so I decided to call
this series Deconstruction, with the
sub title, Self-portrait in White,
because that is what this process in my life feels like.As I deconstruct the life that “was” I am reconstructing
a life that “is.” And when I say ‘life”, that is just a safe way of stating; I
am deconstructing and reconstructing 'me'. This brings a beautiful quote by Joseph Campbell to mind, “We must be willing to
let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
What does that mean?Good question.To me, it means a good long and honest look
at myself.Where is there suffering in
my life and why do I consistently get in the way of allowing prosperity and consistent joy into my
life or as JC would put it, my bliss?
The more I delved into this
process, the more I felt like a severely shaken snow globe, pieces floating
every which way and falling to the ground in slow motion. The truth is, I still do, but I am now
able to glean glimpses of the peace that comes with full acceptance of my “self.”
I have to admit, I feel vulnerable sharing this information, but at the same
time, I feel compelled to share this process and my hope is that anyone who is
going through a similar phase or process will not feel alone and perhaps even
encouraged to reconstruct their “Self” too. I will share what I am learning from the teachers I am studying from and from the road I am on now. To close up today's entry I will share a thought I have been pondering: It is one thing to have a desire to be noticed, but it is a completely different thing, to let yourself be seen, truly seen, by your own eyes first.