|The day I left for New York, May 5, 2013|
Saturday, June 15, 2013
More on this Iphone series…
I have been thinking about what “Cracked Reflection” means to me. This morning I woke up and decided it was time to write about it. I took a photograph of my husband and I in the ‘cracked mirror’ last night as this series is coming to a close because we are moving in mid-July. This series came about when I first took a photo of us, dressed up for an event, in the mirror and I was kind of disappointed that there were cracks in it and then it dawned on me, that at a time of self-searching, it was perfect reflection to look into. As I am deconstructing my life, my being, my art, I am looking closer at the things I don’t like about myself, that I'm unhappy about or that don’t serve me anymore and practicing honesty and letting go… mostly of unwanted habitual thoughts, which have discolored my view and ultimately my life.
Taking photographs while looking into a cracked mirror teaches me to accept what is and still love it, or like it or sometimes, just accept it. It’s not pristine or perfect and neither am I. The cracks are my reminders that life isn’t perfect and try as I might, it will never be. However, while I find practicing unconditional love, even to myself, to be a daunting task sometimes, I have had glimpses of the freedom that accompanies it. Even when my knee-jerk reaction flashes back to an unhealthy thought, I now have the awareness to know that it is just that, an old unhealthy thought and I have the choice now to look at it a different way. I have been reading A Course in Miracles, and I am learning so much. (Lesson #33 There is another way of looking at the world.)
There was a time when I looked into that cracked mirror and thought it was a symbol of something being wrong, particularly with my relationship. And in a way, it made sense to think that way, but it wasn’t about my relationship with my husband. It was about my relationship with ‘me’ and how I look at myself. I can choose to see what’s wrong with me, and the crack in the mirror as a “bad” thing, or I can choose to see the beauty in myself and in the mirror, even with the crack and imperfection.
I haven’t written here for over a month because I’ve been in New York, dealing with very serious family health issues, which have changed my life in so many ways, I can’t even describe it just yet as I am still processing my time there. All I can say for now, is even though I thought I was a giver, I never really knew how to “give” of myself until this past month and I truly believe that all that I have been practicing for the last couple of years has been in preparation for this time, right now. I will write about that more in the months to come. For now, I wanted to share some thoughts on this iPhone series, “Cracked Reflection” as it will be coming to a close since I will no longer be living in this house, a decision I made while in New York. My husband has wanted to live in the country for years and finally, I am ready to commit to change and let go and let life happen, as it will. There’s no use in trying to control it… these days, I feel more comfortable as co-pilot as I trust the pilot’s navigation and intention. And by the pilot I mean, God, the Universe, my higher power, Great Spirit, Source, etc. etc.
If you’re not on Instagram, here are a few of the images from “Cracked Reflection.” Yesterday I posted the 20th image for this series and I don't know how many more I will create. I have enjoyed truly looking into an flawed mirror, and not turning away from what I saw, which is a flawed and beautiful person. The reflection is simply my reminder to accept myself as I am. The good news is that I can always adjust in myself that which I prefer to be different, more peaceful and loving. And though there are cracks in them mirror I am looking into, I see the beauty, in between those cracks, which enables me to see the beauty in between the cracks of others. It’s like Pema Chodron says, “Everyone just wants to be free of their suffering, free of their own pain.”
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