Sometimes the Mirror isn't Cracked

Sometimes the mirror isn’t cracked…. And sometimes it is.  For me, when the mirror is cracked, or when I am taking a good long look at myself and I see flaws or where I need to grow, it is the very thing that teaches me how to do so.  When the mirror is not cracked, it isn’t that things are perfect, it’s that I am in an accepting place of what is…. Curious about where I am and the road I’m on.  I know that most people plan ahead and I get the value of envisioning and though I do it on some level, I don’t take a lot of time to really “see” it, or at least I haven’t in the past.  However, I have created results from those visions and desires, sometimes 10 years later, but nonetheless realized.  These days I am searching for a balance between deliberately creating what I want and trusting that I am on the road of life anyway and it’s going to take me wherever I need to go…either through pain or joy, loss or gain, success or failure. 

Yesterday I did some “handy” work around our new house in the bathroom. I was feeling proud for operating the electric drill to unscrew a picture, stuck to the cabinet, when all of a sudden, it fell off and broke.  There were chards of glass everywhere, in the shower and on the floor. I felt so frustrated at first but as I was picking up the pieces, I realized that I wanted to paint the wood that was behind the picture since I got here.  Now I know this metaphor might sound trite, but it’s those little realizations during the day that let me know that there are silver linings and reasons for everything…nothing or no one is a mistake, waste or unimportant. 

Of course, the mirror will crack again and then will mend, and then crack…. And with each day that passes, Pema Chodron’s teaching, Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change  (Click here for video)  makes more and more sense to me, that it is important to understand and accept that living is changing, all the time, never staying the same – so I may as well get used to discomfort and not see as an affront, but more of a stage… that’s all it is…that’s all anything, a stage that is going to pass until the next stage begins. 

So while I am envisioning what I would like to accomplish and experience in this life, I am learning to trust more, that my purpose will be revealed.  All I have to do is pay attention… to the signs and opportunities and not be afraid to take risks or fail.  In Davidji’s meditation today Click here for meditation he spoke of dharma (purpose)… and asked what it was that made time stand still for me and what brought me joy and fulfillment.  My answer was this: making music, making pictures, inspiring others and hiking.  As he suggested, I put it out into the universe and I will let go of the outcome and trust that, like everything, all will be revealed.  Meanwhile, I am enjoying my new surroundings, nesting, healing, caretaking my dog who is recovering from ACL surgery, and I have begun taking steps to find a job.  Yep, it’s a new mirror… and I’m intrigued by the reflections I may see…some I will like and some I won’t.  As long as I don’t get too caught up in the reflection, like Narcissus, I will be just fine.  I love how Pema suggests to lean into whatever feels ugly and uncomfortable….and look at it not with disdain, but curiosity.  Not always easy to do, but when I do it, I feel an unconditional love for myself and then I feel so happy, because I know I can love another in the same way.