Small Manageable Steps

Wow, it's been 4 months since I've blogged or journaled.  Too many people are telling me about their journaling and I take that as a sign to get back on track and do it myself. (By the way, why doesn't my computer register the words journaling and journaled??)  I really like journaling and also blogging, but I don't have time to do both, so I will blog as a journal, and hopefully, somebody, somewhere, will relate and share their experiences too... sort of like pen pals... but through blogging.

Photo: RJK, Rome, Italy

It's ironic that my last blog talked about my hot yoga class because it was in hot yoga today, that I made the decision to write today. I've been meeting a lot of people where I live and I'm beginning to feel a little too exposed.... vulnerable, because the more I am out there, the more there is a chance of doing something, or not doing something, that will insult or rub someone the wrong way.  Can you say Weenie?!?  I feel like I've been in a fog of sorts trying to figure out my "next" step in life...of course, all the while, stepping anyway in the direction I am sure I need to go.  But every now and then, I feel like I'm not doing enough or making enough money or I'm just not living as purposeful as I think I can.  Sometimes, it is so difficult for me to be content, right where I am...   I have so many ideas that I get paralyzed and find it difficult to take a step towards taking action on any of them.  But today, I feel more encouraged about taking steps...even if they are baby steps... and as I write this I realize that it is exactly the size of the steps I think I need to take that trip me up.  Anne LaBorde, a wise therapist, once taught me that it's all about taking small manageable steps and I  believe that to be true. 

Another challenge that gets in the way is when I forget that who I am is enough and that "being seen" is only scary if I care too much what other people think.  I have to be who I am... all of who I am.  And even I don't like parts of me... but work on accepting myself and loving myself unconditionally.  Yesterday I downloaded "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown and I know I will glean a lot from her words and experiences.  I thoroughly enjoyed "The Power of Vulnerability" and now I need another dose of wise words that remind me to embrace my own vulnerability and be perfectly fine with it.  I've been there before, and I'll be there again.  I find being vulnerable to be so empowering, when I am completely present with it. 

I'll keep this short since writing today was my baby step.  Please share any of your experiences and baby steps to get the wheel going again in your life!  After all, Rome wasn't built in a day. :-)

Wishing you love and light on your journey....

Robbie

Wisdom and Humility

Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself. William Faulkner



I just got back from a hot yoga class.  I have not done yoga steadily since we moved in July.  Needless to say, I am out of yoga shape. I walk and hike but the rest of my body has been asleep for the last 10 months.  Luckily, 2 weeks ago I took the class and there was no one there so I got to have a private class with the teacher who went through the positions with me so at least, today, I had an idea of what was going on.  However, that did not compensate for the lack of stability and strength that my body displayed today.  As a songwriter, I see most things as metaphors... and quite honestly, even if I never wrote a song, I'd probably still see everything as a metaphor and this yoga class was no different.  As I watched myself in the mirror teeter while trying to balance, my own critical judgment showed up, initially, and how grateful I am that before too long the "angel on my shoulder" showed up too reminding me how long it's been and that it's not a competition, not even with myself and that this whole practice of yoga, is about healthy breathing, thinking and patience.

I was a very good gymnast in my youth, particularly in high school (3rd in Nassau County and 26th in the state of NY in floor-exercise), and with that, a dancer since that was part of the sport.  I hurt myself in spring training in college and after my first laminectomy at age 19, I went on to study ballet as an adult, in my 20's and early 30's.... I was the youngest in my class. I loved it, because it was all about balance and poise... and I was very good at it.

1974, Baldwin Junior High

Today, I was not very good at either balance nor poise, however, I gave myself a break and told myself that if I keep coming back, within a couple of months, I should be able to stay on my yoga mat and not have every muscle in my body shake from shock.  I was proud of myself for even going, knowing that I would be the "weakest link" in the class.  Frankly, I did feel a twinge of embarrassment, but only fleeting and very quickly I was fine with where I was and even began to own it and embrace it and still love myself.  In this one class, I wanted to laugh at myself and then when stretching my body and opening it up, I felt like crying... I felt the loss for the time I have ignored it and it was sort of a coming home to it.  It's as if I have deprived myself of such an intsrumental element to my happiness and well being.

The teacher was amazing, gentle, supportive, helpful and young.  The other women in the class were younger than me too.  I laughed as I felt that pesky ego come into play, wanting to attach a sign to my back that said,  "I used to be a gymnast ya know, a dancer, the best in some places and I could do back flips from here to kingdom come." and then, I held that thought in an embrace of acceptance, like a sulking child, and it dissipated, rather quickly.  I also wanted to laugh when I saw myself flailing from a yoga pose, like a drunk person trying to walk a tight rope.

These days, I don't need to be better than anyone else, because I've learned that that kind of competition isn't something that makes me happy.  Let's face it, even the most humble of us feel an urge to compete on some level, but that can be healthy and used as a tool to inspire us and keep us going.

The class today was so much more than yoga. It was a reminder to see age for what it really is. A present, a rite of passage, a privilege and a beautiful undying lust for life. An old person's soul is no less valuable than a young person's soul... they are the same, just situated on different timelines, heading in the same direction...living life from that place...and learning how to be present for each stage of the process.

Today was a gift, and I got to reunite with someone very special, who still needs love and attention,  inside and out...and I'm not embarrassed to say that that person, was me.  I hope if you're reading this, that you will feel inspired to get out there, outside your comfort zone, and take one baby step towards reuniting with your body, mind and soul.  We're going to need to be in tip top shop to manifest and allow all the miracles that are awaiting our invitation.  It's an all around alignment  - with my body, the abundance in the universe and all that I know to be true of self-love and self-care.

Please feel free to share what you did or are going to do, to show the world that you love the amazing person you are, right this very minute,  in the comments below.

May beauty and wisdom light your path, always.

Robbie

What are Artists Starving For?

Ever think about what exactly a starving artist is?  I have and recently I thought a little deeper about it in regard to my own life as an artist.  Usually when we hear that someone is a starving artist we think that they are poor, "starving" and scrounging around all in the name of art.  However, that could be anybody, struggling to make ends meet, whether they are an artist or not.  I thought about the definition of 'starving' - and when I took away the literal meaning in regard to food, I wondered what it meant when it came to artists.  Of course, this is just one point of view, mine, and for right now...as everything else changes, that could change too.  (Now that the disclaimer is out of the way...)

I see starving as a longing, a thirst for something and as an artist I realize that it is simply the need to create.  I remember, when I was a full time musician, reading about artists and that they need to have tumult in their lives in order to create since it is that place that stirs their creativity (according to this article I read). I was so upset about this and thought I might be doomed for a life of angst and unhappiness... it was as if it were an excuse to be unhappy... so that I could create.  And, I do agree with the notion that there needs to be something unsettling on some level in order to create our best creations.  However, this brings me back to the concept of starving.  One can be totally content in their lives, esthetically anyway, and internally, if they are not creating, they feel a void.... a thirst that is not quenched.  And interestingly, though the artist is rewarded by either acclaim or in monetary ways, I am not convinced that a true artist is ever satisfied with that... which is where the turmoil lies within and could be the very place from which we create.   After all, Thomas Edison, Ben Franklin and so many more were never satisfied and thank goodness they weren't.

 I am referring to certain people who are called "artists" but I do believe that we are all artists... in fact, I think that artists can be interchanged with the word "human" since we all are creating something.... whether it be numbers, teaching, healing, cures, paintings, photographs, music, etc....
In the end, I believe, the reason we 'starve' for creation is because it is inherent to desire to feel purposeful.

I have written many songs from break ups, falling in love, falling out of love, my views on politics, my anger and sadness and it took quite a bit of time before I started the practice of writing songs that actually had a happy sentiment.   And in all honesty, I really had to push myself to write songs from a loving place...and even now, after the hundreds of songs I've written I can safely say the songs written from a painful place outnumber the happy songs by far.  And... I can only surmise that the reason for this is that when I was happy, I felt a lesser need to express because I was more in the moment of living and not feeling that need as deeply to express any pain.  I am still learning how to express myself in positive ways.... it is rare, but it does happen, when lyrics will float into my head to express some pain that I am experiencing... usually, I just write about 2 lines and then I ask myself, what is it that I want to contribute to this world.  It is then that I realize that I don't want to add to the misery or suffering... at least, not without some essence of hope and the act of overcoming pain because pain is inevitable... but I have a choice as to how to deal with it.

My husband painting in nature.

My husband is a successful engineer, and would hardly call himself an artist.  However, he is probably more of an artist than me.  Though he enjoys his engineering work, his passion and essence is so incredibly obvious when he is painting or wood working...and what I'm about to say is not just because I am his wife, but because it it true.... his artwork is astounding.  And more than once, I have copped an angle of a photograph because his 'eye' is also amazing for composition.  I use him as an example.... because I think he represents us all... and confirms my belief that we are all artists.

So... if you are starving... chances are the act of creating will fulfill that void, until the next time you feel the need to create.... and the next time.... and thank goodness for that... because satisfaction is overrated and unsettling.   I guess we're all in this together... but hardly starving... but thriving and desiring to contribute, in any way that "almost" fulfills us....and the world.

The Granny Club

 My good friend Karen recently bought my Beauty and Wisdom book for her granddaughter for Christmas and I was so touched I wanted to share her story.  Here is the email she sent me.

Karen and Mini

I want to give one to my granddaughter.  We have a thing about what we call "The Granny Club."  It's kind of like a beauty and wisdom joke in its own way. 

Granny KB:  "You have to brush your hair because you haven't since you went swimming and if you go out to dinner looking like that I could get kicked out of "The Granny Club." 

For years, Micol thought there really was a Granny Club and cried when she heard the truth.  I felt awful but we have made a big joke out of it as the years have passed.   

 

Micol is the only person who cuts my hair for some years now so, in a sense, she is my stylist!  I thought it would empower her to think she could do something so important and using scissors too.  But in fact it is a tender and empowering thing for me too--like going to the salon.  She says my hair is beautiful and she loves the "silver parts"!  She's messed up a couple of times but with my hair it doesn't really matter.  She loves to do it.  Funny, huh?  I think she will like your book very much.  

Thank you Karen, I am so honored to have my book given to your sweet granddaughter...  Micol obviously already possesses so much beauty and wisdom!

The Most Beautiful Poem about Beauty and Wisdom

Weathering

My face catches the wind
from the snow line
and flushes with a flush
that will never wholly settle.
Well, that was a metropolitan vanity,
wanting to look young forever, to pass.
I was never a pre-Raphaelite beauty
and only pretty enough to be seen
with a man who wanted to be seen
with a passable woman.

But now that I am in love
with a place that doesn't care
how I look and if I am happy,
happy is how I look and that's all.
My hair will grow grey in any case,
my nails chip and flake,
my waist thicken, and the years
work all their usual changes.

If my face is to be weather beaten as well,
it's little enough lost
for a year among the lakes and vales
where simply to look out my window
at the high pass
makes me indifferent to mirrors
and to what my soul may wear
over its new complexion.

~ Fleur Adcock ~

Love, Loss, Learning and 70

 I get now what Billy Joel meant when he sang, "Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes."  However, I don't think we're ever prepared to say good-bye... so often, as it seems to be the case lately. Ever since my stepmother passed away only a month and a half ago, I have been hearing about others losing loved ones so frequently, it's eerie.  I know, and stress the word "know" as in intellectually, that loss is a part of life.  I just am still adjusting to the experience of it as I have been very fortunate to have not experienced it all that much until now. 

This morning, while staring out into the trees and listening to the birds, I tried to make sense of it all and the only thing I could think of was that when so much loss enters our lives, we are being given the opportunity(test?) to expand our hearts and the amount of love in them so we can comfort others and also ourselves in the process of grieving and letting go. 

Sometimes I feel that by choosing to move house and create change, that I opened Pandora's box and now everything seems to be changing, which is cool because that is what I wanted (obviously).  I just feel a little out of control every now and then... and then I stop and breathe and relax into the uncertainty of it all... and that's one thing that for sure is certain. that it is all uncertain!

I think it's good timing to introduce the book that is coming out September 12th at this time since it is about the privilege of living to and through the age of 70. I had the honor of contributing to this book and I can't wait to read what the other contributors wrote. Now, more than ever, I really feel that it is such a gift - to be here and experience all of life for that long.  I believe it is also a reminder to live each day fully so that we can enjoy those years in good health and happiness. 

Stay tuned... I met a woman here in town who is 91 and runs the local Antique store...she has more energy than Richard Simmons on amphetamines! She makes me smile and I just love her.  Can't wait to introduce you to Lee. 

The book will be available on Amazon.com, bn.com, indiebound.org, and booksamillion.com.   Can't wait!

Keep On Loving

My very close friend in New York just told me about a ring she wears on her thumb to remind her that it's always, all about love.  We talked about how easy it is to respond to tense situations with knee-jerk reactions that only seem to hurt ourselves.  As it happens, this past Sunday the woman who gave the sermon spoke of writing the letters on her wrist "CL"  They stand for Choose Love.  Seems to me that the message lately, is to break out of old patterns and learn to connect to that beautiful space inside that is full of love and it is through that place that we will see any situation and respond in kind.  Sometimes this means responding in absolute honesty, and that doesn't always feel good, but it is still love, when conveyed in truth and kindness. 

So after my conversation tonight with Darl, I went to the website where they sell the ring (Kohl's) and it is sold out.  Then I went to 2 other websites and it was sold out there as well.  At first, I felt disappointed, but then, I thought about how amazing it is that so many people are buying these rings with the message "Keep on Loving" and that they are being sold out.  This can only mean something beautiful, that people are remembering that we all have a very powerful tool... love...and that love is obviously being spread around... through rings and jewelry.

As for my visible reminder to choose love everyday... well... I could get a tattoo.... but will probably sit back and let the perfect reminder come to me.   I'll keep you posted, but for now... Keep on Loving!

I Know A Woman Like That

Tonight at Jeanie Madsen Gallery Elaine and Virginia Madsen will be presenting their documentary, "I Know A Woman Like That."  This film documents and celebrates the lively and beautiful lives of older women.

Here is a link to the Film Trailer

Day 54 - Girlfriends

Soooo important!

Day 44 - The Georgian Sessions

View from sessions about self-image and beauty with Jeanie Madsen.
We are creating change together!

Day 10 - Peace Train

I used to love getting my photograph taken.

"I used to love getting my photograph taken" is what Barbara lamented when I asked her to take her photograph. She was reluctant, but in the end, she gave me permission and I'm so happy she did.  She was an opera singer in her day... and you can tell because she is so graceful and elegant and her 88 year old voice is soothing to listen to.  Barbara told me how she felt about women feeling pressured to stay young looking in the work place - she said it made her sad.  Then as we talked some more, she said that we were kindred spirits and that was music to my ears and my heart... I felt like I could sit and talk with her for hours.  I just know that she has amazing stories to tell.  Wouldn't it be great to have a round-robin kind of panel and have these women trade stories, one after the other?  Like a songwriters in the round, it would be story tellers in the round and we would be gifted with their presence and when it was over, there would be a connection made for a long long time.

Beauty and Wisdom - In Italy! Bella!

"Super Mum" Marie, 81, Kent, England

My Mum, Marie Elizabeth Woods, born Kent, England, in 1929. High kicking it as usual.

The first up to dance and the last to sit down - always.

Hobbies include Keep Fit twice a week, Golden Oldies singing club twice a week, and informal chauffeuse to those she calls the ‘old folk’!

Living proof that you are only as old as you feel.

PS. One bionic knee so kicks with her other!!